Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I Am The Cracker Queen

I am The Cracker Queen! I am the conquerer of a game played with saltine crackers. I am not quite sure how I ended up in the midst of such a game, but as fate would have it, I performed amazingly well.

At FHE last night we played a game that involved tying a saltine cracker to your arm and having people try to crush it with some foam pipe insulation. We ran around like maniacs trying to hit each other with the pipe insulation that was about as effective as hitting each other with wet noodles. I was amazing, of course, but I wish I hadn't been because I would have like to spend more time watching people flail around, rather than having people watching me flail around.
Mormons are funny people. Who else plays games where they tie crackers to their arms? This is supposed to bring us together. One night last year at FHE we played "scripture sculpturades". We used clay to sculpt scripture stories. If you ask me, someone has too much time on their hands.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Upstage is Invincible

So, yesterday I joined the ranks of thousands of Americans who have dropped their cell phones in to the toilet. Don't I just feel special? Luckily, I had just flushed(TMI, I know)so the water was clean. That was a very good thing, because I have never so quickly and unquestionably reached my hand into some where so questionable. I retrieved the phone, dried it off and prayed to the cell-phone Gods that they would spare my phone. It seemed to work just fine. I cleaned it with Lysol (because I don't trust "clean" toilet water) and let it sit. I waited with baited breath to see if it would pop and fizzle and meet it's post-watery grave...
Congratulations Samsung! You have invented and invincible phone. My phone has been where few cell-phones have ever come back from. It would have been tragic to loose it, as I love my phone, so I am very grateful to the pros who made my phone toilet-water-proof. Thanks Samsung!

Monday, April 21, 2008

You want fries with that?

I am moving today, so there is nothing to eat at my house. On my way home from work, I stopped at the local McDonalds and got a whole lot more than what I ordered. I pulled up to the window and handed the fellow at the window my $1.08. This is the verbal exchange that followed the monetary exchange:

"So, what did you do today?"

"Worked too hard."

"Where do you work?"


"Like you are an employee there?"

"Yup, like I am an employee."

"I bet you meet a lot of cute guys there."

"Yup, most of them are about 17."


"I recruit high school students."

"Oh, yeah. Cool. There is this 17 year old girl who works here and she is like 'Hey, I'm 17 and I have a baby.' There are so many girls here with kids. It's like babies having babies."


"So, where are your kids? You aren't married are you?"

I just stared back at him. At this point, the fates took pity on me and intervened; the car behind me honked. I smiled and put my car right into gear and drove on. I don't know what it is about getting hit on at food places, but I decided that I am only going to eat at fancy places from now on. Then maybe the guys who hit on me will be a bit more classy. No more fast food goons for me.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Book Tag

So, Erin was kind enough to include me in her book tag. This is possibly the most boring 5th sentance on the face of the planet. Just try and beat this:

This is what you do:
1. Pick up the nearest book (at least 123 pages).
2. Turn to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the 5th sentence on your blog.

Book: Systems of Psychotherapy: A Transtheoretical Analysis

5th sentence: Psychotherapies may be adequate for resolving discrete psychological disorders and mental conflicts, such as those between drives and defenses, but a relevant modern therapy must also be a philosophical therapy - a therapy of meaning for those confronted with the existential frustration of being unable to find a "why to live for."


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Warriors at Bajio

Work is s-l-o-w right now. There is hardly anyone in the office today, so it seemed like a perfect time to go out for lunch. We decided on Bajio. Those Bajio salads were calling our names. The restaurant was pretty empty, and we got through the line rather quickly. As I was finishing up at the register Hali came up to me and said, "There are some pretty cute boys by the door on the right side. They were looking over here. Let's go out that way."

Cute boys? Yes, please. We started walking that direction and soon I realized that I don't think we could have avoided these boys even if we had wanted to.

"So, did you find everything you were looking for?"

Um, duh? I am at a restaurant, I found food. It's not that hard.

"Yes, we sure did."
"Good. So, let me guess, you ladies work retail."

Whoa. Strike two. Believe it or not, I am not on break from my job at the mall. I have a big kid job.

"You are in sales, then."
"More or less. We sell education. We recruit for UVSC."

We all chatted for a minute, they hadn't hit strike three yet, they still had a chance. Turns out one is from Emery and the other is from Sandy and attends dear old UVSC. After several minutes of talking I decided that there was no sign of these boys aking for our names. Someone had to do it.

"Do you have names?" I asked.
It just seemed a bit asinine that we had gotten this far into being picked up on and they hadn't asked for our names. The first one (from Sandy) said that he was Dan the Warrior. If that doesn't turn a girl on, I don't know what would. Gracious. I only half heard the other one, I think he said his name was Titan. It was actually Sam. At one point Dan said that sometimes it was awkward talking to girls. Really? I never would have guessed.

Well, Dan's phone rang and he decided it would be fun to put one of us on the phone. Hali was busy because Sam was giving her his "warrior autograph", so I got the phone.

"So, you are talking to my friend Dan?"
"Is he scaring you?"
"It takes a lot to scare me. I am feeling pretty brave right now."
"He doesn't scare you? You should give him your phone number."

At about the same time that Rich was telling me to give Dan my number, Sam was slipping his number to Hali.

Strike three. These goons really thought that if they just stopped us on our way out of the restaurant we would swoon and take their numbers and give them a call? The never even asked for a names! This is a sad world, friends. A sad, sad, world.

But, in their defense, they say that they were awkward. And, at least they stopped us in the first place. In the end, I have to admit, it was a bit of a boost to my confidence. So, I guess I can't really complain.