Letters

To my Native American Lit. Teacher:

Dear Native American Lit. Teacher,

I know that we don't know each other well, but I have something very personal that I need to tell you. Wearing a bra is a good thing. There. I said it. On the first day of class I heard very little of what you said. There was something about a syllabus, something about NDNZ and something about how, after years of educational torture, you would prefer to be addressed by the name you had earned: Doctor. However, most of the time I was staring at your chest. Now, being a girl, it is hard to admit this, but it is the honest truth. I was staring at your chest and thinking, "Are those...no, they can't be...is she...honestly?...nope, my teacher is definitely not wearing a bra."

Now, I would like to say that I am very impressed with you for getting your education and breaking the bonds of masculine suppression, but a bra is not meant to suppress. It is meant to support. A bra should be a best friend, not an undesirable stranger.

I understand that things may have been different 30 or 40 years ago when bra burning was a big thing. I see that you made (and are still making)your statement, "Girl Power! Votes for Women!" I am sure the Spice Girls would be proud. But that was 30 or 40 years go, the statement has been made and the point has become moot. This generation does not look at braless women and think, "Wow, she is a real revolutionary." They are thinking, "Holy crap, I can see her nipples." So, please, for our sake, share your story and teach your ideals, but spare us, and buy a bra.

Thank you,

A concerned student

To the boy who works in the bookstore:

Dear Boy Who Works at the Bookstore,

Hey, what's up? It's been a while. We had Spanish together, what, like 3 years ago? Crazy. Well, it's good to see you again. You know, it's funny, we see each other a couple of times every 6 months or so and we act like we are the best of friends. Maybe we should just humor fate and be real friends. No more acting like friends. Then we don't have to run into randomly run into each other anymore, we can purposely run into each other. Yes?

Tu amiga,

Jennica

To the man who killed chivalry:

Dear Sir,

How does it feel? Seriously, can you sleep at night, knowing that you singlehandedly killed chivalry? Today I was lifting some boxes that were much too heavy for me to lift. You were sitting about 15 feet away while I was lifting these heavy boxes. They were so heavy in fact, that I thought I would drop it on my head and it would squish me like a cartoon character and I would have to walk around for the rest of my life as a smashed little disk of Jennica. This was not a pleasant thought. I was with two of my co-workers who are also female(one of whom is smaller than the boxes that we were lifting)and we were obviously having difficulty. Yet, there you sat. As I laughed with my co-workers about the absurdity of the situation I thought about you sitting just around the corner. What were you thinking? Were you thinking, "Too bad those girls aren't very strong?" or "I'm sure glad it isn't my job to help people." or maybe you just thought it was amusing. Either way friend, the proper response would have been, "Excuse me, you seem to be having a bit of trouble lifting those boxes that weigh twice as much as you do. May I be of assistance?" At this point we all would have lauded your strength and manhood. Really, we would have. Instead we just stared at you as we left, wondering what was going through your head. I mean, maybe it was a bit harsh when I said that you killed chivalry, but what is this world coming to?

I eagerly await your response,

A damsel in distress who fights her own dragons because there are no knights to be found, and just because she can, and she can.